I love Halloween. Its always been great fun. Back when i was a bairn it was all about homemade costumes (brilliant monster outfit aged 5 in which i wore my jacket back to front, my grans old wig and some eyeliner smeared on my face- in 1986 that was a top notch guising monster ouitift)
These days we've gone all American, and the shops are flooded with all manner of spooky tat.
The best place this year has been POUNDLAND. A veritable smorgasbord of a shop filled with everything you could ever need ever! Food, makeup, kitchenalia, home furnishings and Halloween crap by the bucketload!
So far i have purchased from them a cobweb tablecover, some questionable 50s horror B movies, party cups and plates smeared with bloody handprints, wall hangings and THIS amazing makeup kit
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| Professional Quality Wolfman Kit- How could it fail! |
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The packaging has a note that the look acheived in the photo was using the make up contained in this kit, with NO digital photoshop fuckery.THE actual crazy wolf face can be created with only a poor quality spongey applicator,some jobby broon powder stuff and three crayons of black, white and red? The challenge begins...
First of all, I wait until the rest of family are to bed. I need peace and total concentration if i am to master this look. Its 1 in the morning and I turn up the fire, and get some horror on the telly to inspire me (it was Saw III- it was alright but i could have done with some retro horror- in hindsight i should have watched one of those pish B Movie horrors i got in Poundland.
I decide its best to gather everything i need for this project and assemble it in front of me:
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| Bright glass gypsy lamp, Beer, Ciggies and the kit itself-Now I'm ready to get all creative! |
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I scrape back my hair and get all freshfaced to begin my cosmetic journey
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| Fresh faced - And yes, that is slightly nasty rootage on show |
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I study the packaging to ensure I acheive the Professional finish this product promises. I am to lightly damped the sponge and work the jobby brown powdery stuff into a creamy consistency. I can't be arsed going back through to kitchen for water so some beer will do. I attempt to apply the brown base shade just as the packet suggest- spreading from outside edge of facew towards the middle. First Fail...
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| Step one: apply browny jobby stuff and some red crayon |
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The photo on packet appears to have used a real brush and not some beer soaked sponge! I look like an angry bearded ginger lady. Maybe it will get better? next step is to fill in eye sockets and add some more
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| I look like a gingery Alice Cooper now. |
Never mind- still have the wee wolfie mouth to add and some "Angry eyebrows"
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| Oh yes- i can see it now- i bet Hollywood makeup artists are shittign themselves now! |
Now i get to play with the black crayon- this is pretty much the methods i use to apply my real makeup everyday- just draw on outlines- now for the snarly nose- grrrrrrrrrrrrr
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| Snarly Nose.( I think i look more like eddie bloody Munster than a deadly Lycanthrope) |
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| Up close the make up is a mess- i am a bearded black nose clown- Professional kit my arse |
Still , i must persevere, now to add some fluffy hair and some big mean teef
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| Grrrrr- its the Killer Yorkshire Terrier look |
Final bit of faffing about with some squidgey low quality crayolas and ITS DONE
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| Moody lighting shot- terrifying... |
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| Just like the packet eh? |
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| even my hair was scared of my own face |
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Now, to remove the warpaint i am to gently rub in baby oil or vaseline. I have neither (decided against using strawberry cheesecake lip gloss..) so fairy liquid it is. It worryingly just smear about- remaining firmly on the skin
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| The moment i realised the black crayon had the staying power of AIDS |
Still-i kept my cool and found a baby wipe- it was either that or a flash lemon scented floorwipe
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| my new face forever? |
It started to budge and after destrying a lilac bathroom handtowel- i was back to as normal as i am likely to get- Me without makeup- probably much more terrifying than a wolf
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| IT COMES OFF- REJOICE! | | | | |
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Dont have nightmares now..............................
